Bonds of Social Confirmity

I am not sure if there is a term called ‘conformity syndrome’ but I am using it anyway. Most times we believe that we know what we are doing or we make our choices and no one has control over our decisions. Well, I felt the same way about myself until I heard about the behavior psychology called social conformity.

What is it?

Social conformity is a phenomena in which people match the behaviors of their peers to confirm their place within the group and avoid any conflicts that may result if they had not confirmed. It is so pervasive that we never realize that we are being driven by the need to confirm with the perceived standards of our peers and the society.

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Experiments:

Just hit ‘power of conformity (this should be link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1euWT3NZjY) in YouTube and you will see an experiment that takes place in an elevator (Hint: it’s an old black and white video in case the link does not work). Participants from the experiment group get into elevator turning their rear towards the elevator door. A guy unaware of this experiment gets into the elevator and finds the group behavior weird, he resists a little and tries to maintain his individuality by keeping his face towards the elevator door, after few moments, he slowly turns his back towards the entrance and confirms with the behavior of the group in the elevator. Rest of the experiment is funny to watch but hard to digest that we are no different from the person in that elevator.

Are we effected?

In a way it is an addiction our whole race goes through generation after generation. The cars we drive, houses we live in, food we eat, the way we eat, places where we shop, communities we stay in, groups we interact with, social events we attend, education, marriage, family and on and on – everything we do, we do it to match the generally accepted behaviors in our societies. We succumb to the social pressure, most times, without ever realizing it. This knowledge gives us a new insight into our own behavior. We cannot fix anything until we know what is wrong in the first place.

It made me think about my own behavior, my dressing style, way I drink, drive and on. It turned out that I am a social conformist like 97% of the population. I do many things that I do not have a logical reasoning for doing. This new insight into the psychology made me look at the world from a different perspective.

Social conformity everywhere:

Yesterday night couple of my friends and I sat together for a drink, since I did not want to be a social outcast (peer pressure acting up) I agreed to join them on one condition that I will drink wine and they can drink any liquor of their choice. My friend said ‘why do you want to drink wine while we spoil our livers with concentrated liquor?’ I said ‘if you feel that way, why don’t you drink wine with me?’ He said ‘well, I can, but since everyone else is drinking whiskey I would rather join them’. Everyone in the room smiled and felt proud that he cares for them, what they did not realize (which I realized this morning) was that they were all confirming each others behavior, even if it meant compromising their health.

Why we do what we do?

It is amazing to see how many times we do things we know are not good for our financial, physical and/or mental health but we do it anyway because everyone else is doing it. Social drinking, smoking, drugs, shopping, spending money and even our eating habits (junk food/take aways) – inspite of being aware of the fact that they are not good, we still continue doing them just because it is the NORM, even if consequences are bad. Being accepted by family, friends, society is of prime importance even if it means killing the voice inside of us.

This knowledge of social conformity is as intriguing as it is scary. When we are aware of the

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fact that our decisions are being driven by our dire need to confirm with our societies, it gives us an opportunity to evaluate our decisions with more clarity. Asking ourselves "what would my decision be if I did not felt the compulsion to conform to the mass behavior or please the group that I am part of?" can go a long way in making smart decisions that are in congruence with our inner voice.

I googled about this to find out that in some cases our reality may actually be determined by the group psychology, that is if the group believes something and acts from that stand point, we tend to follow them with the same attitude even though we inherently know it not to be true and after following for a while, we start to believe that as true. We will no longer question our behavior which we knew was based on a false premise to start with. Take for example, drinking – it is now considered ’social & civilized’ to drink which was earlier considered as a habit that could make someone a social outcast – wonder what persuasive advertising can do!

May be you never wanted to buy that house in the first place because of the flexibility renting gives but bought it anyway to maintain your social status (peer pressure). Or perhaps, you always wanted to drive the military hummer but since you believed it will not fit the ambiance of your office meetings you settled for a classic Benz because that seemed like a norm for the business class. May be, you never wanted to attend the church/mosque/temple but since everyone is going you just followed to stay within the group. We can come up with an alarmingly massive list of things that our behavior is affected by the peer pressure, it makes me wonder if there is anything that we do that is NOT effected by this phenomena.

Do you really want success?

In most instances, people are afraid of success because it means non-conformity with their current group. If you do not have stories about debt, car that breaks down, spouse who makes your life a living hell, kids who don’t listen, bills that always seem to increase and so on, how will you fit in with your group? If you desire financial independence and declare that your target is to quit the job in an year and find things that you would rather enjoy doing, you are considered an immediate social outcast, why? because that just ain’t expected or accepted. It is NOT the HERD THING.

Our dreams may be totally different once we start thinking from a non-conformists stand point, we may find many new things about ourselves, things that may leave us befuddled or make us smile. Many people, after achieving things that they want are left even more miserable than they were when they did not have them, because they were running after wrong things, things that they never actually wanted.

Is there a way out?

To me greatest tragedy in life after being introduced to the herd mentality is wasting my life in running after things that my heart never truly desired.

It is a transition we have to deal with if we ever want to come out of the enslavement of social conformity, first step in breaking this chain is to recognize that our feet are already tied to it and farthest distance we can go depends on the length of this chain unless we are willing to break this chain and, gather the courage to explore the world from a child’s eyes – pure, serene and unadulterated.

Is it easy?

This transition is NOT easy, it is probably the most difficult endeavor we can ever take up but I am hopeful that it will help us realize our true self. It can help us find things that we truly love (not what we think we love while thinking from a conformists mind set). It may actually open the doors to our deepest desires and aspirations and help us find what we truly want.

Peace.